My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
