I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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