That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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