i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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