An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
