We're facebook friends in real life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
