Umm I'm too high to move.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
