I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
