My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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