There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
