we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
