I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pooping to opera.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
