420 ftw
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
