After last night, I could never be a politician.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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