I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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