He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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