Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
