I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
