Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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