He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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