Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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