I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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