mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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