Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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