recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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