i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
