do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
