I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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