she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
