I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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