Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize