worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize