Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
