the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
