Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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