the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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