Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
