My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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