Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
