im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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