Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
