dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
