Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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