I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
