mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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