My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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