Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
