Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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