I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
