So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
