This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
