my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
