yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
