i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
