Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
