Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
