1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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