Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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