i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Found the puke drawer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
