You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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