theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
