Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
