Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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