I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
