Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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