Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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