so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
