everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
