i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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