I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
