Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
