Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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