you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
