i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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