She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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