you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
