her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
