yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
