I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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