the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
