soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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