break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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