I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
