I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need moral support for this bender
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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